Recently, there has been an article that has made its way around Facebook, and I am sure you all have seen it. It’s an article by a gentleman named Anthony D’Ambrosio, a columnist for the Ashbury Park ((NJ) Press. The article is titled: “5 Reasons Why Marriage Doesn’t Work Anymore”.
And it’s absolute bullshit.
Anthony, for the record, is divorced. He was married in 2012. So after 3 years of marriage, he is now a pro. This article is about how marriage these days is different from our parents and grandparents marriages; how we, as a society, have changed due to reliance on social media and blah, blah, blah.
Well done, Anthony. You went viral over things you know nothing about.
After reading this article that no less than 15 of my Facebook friends shared on their pages (usually accompanied by an “Amen” and “This article is so perfect, like OMG”) – I have had enough. I have decided I will go through the points he has made to support his 3-year research, and identify why this article is absolute CRAP.
His first point: Sex becomes almost non-existent. His back-up facts to support his hypothesis: I truly don’t know? Something about how he is a sexual person and it becomes a chore or some shit.
My counter-point: Women love sex, and intimacy, and that feeling of closeness…especially to our husbands. You mention how the media puts unrealistic images of men and women in our faces 24-7, and there is a need to be “perfect” every single day in order to keep your spouse interested.
Wrong. How about try harder? I have a very, very good feeling that this is the type of dude that says, “So………………….you wanna have sex?” and then pouts in a corner when that line doesn’t immediately open the door to a night of “Let’s get it on.” Just because you can have a vagina anytime you want, doesn’t mean you stop trying to make her feel like more than just a vagina.
His second point: Finances cripple us. His back-up facts to support his hypothesis: he has to be a big boy and can’t go out to eat every night or go on vacation because he has responsibilities and his education cost him a lot of money. He has a really expensive house he has to pay for and his grandparents never had to go through this shit…..wah wah wah.
My counter-point: Shut up, you whiny piece of crap. Yes, college is expensive. And houses are expensive – more so than they were back in the day…but it’s all relative. If college cost $10,000 a year 50 years ago, that was fucking expensive. Same with a house payment. The cost of a house may not have been as much, but they didn’t get paid as much either.
Okay, so you can’t afford to go out to eat? You can’t afford to go on vacation? You have to miss a few things because you need to be a responsible adult and pay your bills? What on earth makes you think our parents and grandparents didn’t have the same struggles? The biggest difference is they shut up about it and did what they needed to do – as a team – and weren’t such babies about not being able to eat at Outback Steakhouse once or twice a week.
His third point (and my personal favorite): We’re too connected to social media where life’s decisions get made over text messages, dinner reservations over an app, you only communicate to your spouse through text or email or whatever….you get his point.
My counter-point: 1) Dinner reservations on an app? But I thought your finances were “crippling” you too much to go out to dinner at a restaurant?, 2) text messages are awesome, and 3) when you get home from work, the phones go away. If that is not understood and followed by your spouse, he or she is an ass. If you do not understand that, you are an ass. But if you use your phone during the day to do shit that makes life super simple and awesome, that’s not called “disconnected” – it’s called smart. Hence, the smart phone. Duh.
His fourth point: Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved. His back-up facts that support his hypothesis: husbands/wives care more about “likes” and re-tweets and Instagram than they do about an actual person standing in front of him.
My counter-point: He clearly married a 13-year-old. If this is seriously a problem in your marriage, it didn’t just develop all of the sudden. Odds are, this person you married was like this well before the vows. You’re just the person who married them in spite of this nonsense in the hopes they would change.
His fifth and final point: Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you. His back-up facts that support his hypothesis: nothing is sacred anymore, everything we do is splattered over social media, we try to think of the best status update, etc., etc., etc.
My counter-point: You DO realize, that NO ONE is “inviting” themselves into your lives, and to be honest, NO ONE (except maybe your mom and a few distant aunts) really gives a shit about what you are doing right now? You DO realize that you have a CHOICE in what you post, how often you post, and who you let into your little world, right? Social media isn’t the end of your marriage – you are. Your spouse is. The fact that you are such a child that you think that people genuinely keep up with your every move is killing your marriage. That’s not social media, my dear. That’s your ego.
Here’s what I will say about marriage: it’s beautiful. And it’s hard. And it takes work. It takes the attitude that you will never, ever give up – no matter how difficult things may get. You’re a TEAM. That’s how our parents and grandparents looked at marriage. Divorce ain’t an option, my friend. You work through shit when you’re angry and hurt and feel like there is no hope. And when you come out of the fire – out of all that crap – you’re a stronger, better couple. Loyalty strengthens. Bonds made are tougher. THAT’S what our previous generation had that we don’t: resilience.
As you were, people.