Confession #28: Karma is a bitch, or is it? I remember being in my early twenties and seeing little kids with snotty noses and dirt on their faces and thinking there was no way in hell that would ever be my kid! Kids wearing pajamas to the store with two different shoes and hair with the worst bed head I’d ever seen. I’d shoot a discerning look to their parent and think to myself that they should be ashamed. I mean after all, how difficult is it to pick out a totally cute outfit for your daughter and throw an adorable braid in her hair with a matching bow? Is it really too much to ask to wipe your son’s face off and have him put on a cute pair of jeans with a shirt from Gap Kids and a pair of Converse? While we’re at it, say something to your little turd who is acting like a total heathen by laying across the bottom of the shopping cart making car noises while you grocery shop and pretend like you don’t hear him. Is that really necessary? Can’t you incompetent moms see what a mess you and your kids are? Oh good God, if I had only known!!!!!!
Flash forward 10 years and lo and behold, I’ve turned into “that mom.” I see you twenty something looking at me with disgust at that mall because I’ve been wearing the same pair of black yoga pants for three days, and instead of brushing my hair I put on a baseball hat. I feel your glares, girls, as you eye up my kids and think to yourself that you would NEVER and WILL NEVER end up like me. You’re going to be a cool mom. You’re going to be the mom that’s friends with her kids, and will never have to discipline because you’ll know how to parent. After all, it’s really not that hard!
The thing that they don’t see, as I didn’t at that age and pre kids, is that if your kids have clothes on (and they don’t even have to be weather appropriate), it’s a win in the war on parenting. If they could only see the yelling that took place just to get your son to go back in his room and put underwear on under his basketball shorts because he’s going through some sort of weird no underwear phase, they may cut you a break. If they only knew that your kids having something covering their feet, even if that means one flip-flop and one tennis shoe, it’s a win. If they had any idea that you were the one who told your son to crawl under the shopping cart and pretend like it was a race car so you might actually be able to get some grocery shopping done without him whining for 10 minutes, they may rest on the eye rolling. Better yet, if they didn’t whisper about you under their breath to their girlfriend, and understood that the reason you’re wearing the same pair of yoga pants for the third day in a row and your hair isn’t brushed is because showering is a true luxury when you’re a mom. The baby got up at 5:30 again because molars are the devil. After falling asleep on the couch in, yes, your yoga pants, you were too exhausted to even think to change. In a quick moment of insanity, you looked at your kids and realized that you may squeeze an hour or so out of them without them killing each other, and decide to brave the winter weather with all three to go to the mall for some not so much ME time.
I was once you twenty something. I know where you are and where you’ve been. Not to scare the living shit out of you, but, honey, you too will be me someday. Your carefree world will be turned upside down, and the last person you will think of everyday will be yourself. The happiness of your family will soon become your top priority and hearing the words, “I love you” from one of your kids will be better than front row tickets to any concert. Instead of being hung over from a night out partying with your friends, you’ll be exhausted from being up all night after changing the sheets again of one of your kids who wet the bed. Ya know what, twenty something, if you think you’re happy and have experienced fun, you have no idea what’s ahead for you. The joy you get from your kid scoring a goal at a soccer game when they’re the worst player on the team. The feeling you get when you see your kids sharing with each other without their lives being threatened. Twenty something, I know you look at me like your life would be over if you had to spend just a day in my shoes. Truth is, your life hasn’t begun until you walk out of the house in yoga pants that you’ve been wearing for three days, with kids who have different shoes on and have snotty noses. Just wait, sister, and enjoy the ride because your turn will come and then you will see that being me isn’t so bad.
This is what you have to look forward to twenty somethings. Guess what, you’re pretty lucky!!!