Oops #1,234: Don’t breastfeed after using self tanner

Oops #1,234:  Don’t breastfeed after using self tanner.  Yeah you’d think this was a no brainer but for a mom who hasn’t slept more than 3 hours at a time in 4 weeks, not so much.
I remember the first time someone came and got my first child for a couple of hours to give me sometime to myself.  Dear God, it was like Christmas, no better than Christmas!  I had no idea what I was gonna do with myself, but I could tell you this, it wasn’t going to involve laundry, dishes, or anything baby.  I brushed my teeth, shaved my legs, and actually used the blow dryer to dry my hair.  After completing these tasks that hadn’t been done (at least not well) since bringing home the baby, I still had 40 minutes left before the queen of the castle was to reappear.  As I looked down at my legs, I remembered that I had some self tanner left from God only knows how long ago, but I was gonna get a bronzed glow if it killed me. 
There I stood in the buff slathering myself with the entire bottle.  I put my long robe back on and plopped on the couch to catch the tail end of The Price is Right.  About 10 minutes later the door opened and my sweet 1 month old was back.  Strange that I had dreamed of a couple of hours without her, but I actually missed her like crazy when she was gone.  Not even 5 minutes from her being home did the vicious cycle of feeding and changing resume.  I assumed the position in the rocking chair and whipped out the milk maker.  After a couple of minutes, I noticed an orange glow around Samantha’s mouth.  Huh?  What on earth could that be?  It was then that I snapped back to reality and remembered that not only a half hour ago I was lubing myself up with self tanner.  Good Lord, what have I done?!?!?!  As I pulled her little face away, it revealed that I was not the only one in the Jackson house that got a nice bronze glow.  My poor baby was stained on her fresh 32 day old skin with orange self tanner!!!
After getting off the phone with poison control and them reassuring me that she was indeed going to live, I started scrubbing.  I had to hurry up and get this off my baby’s face before my husband got home.  I just remember thinking to myself, “It’s O.K. You’re a good mom and she’ll never remember this.”
Well Samantha stayed looking like a clown for a good 3 days and I told my husband it must have been some sort of reaction to the new lotion I bought her.  A little white lie never hurt anyone right?  All I can say is “Oops!”  To all the new moms out there, learn from my mistake.  Self tanner and breastfeeding do not mix!

“Mom step away! You have self tanner on again!!!”

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